It has been a while since I last found time to write. As life goes on it gets more difficult to make time to gather our thoughts, and put them down in writing for solidifying and cleansing. Our routine tends to occupy ourselves, making our minds constantly full, but not necessarily being mindful.
In the past year, I've been encountering people, and admittedly some my own "friends", who are so charged with negativity, blaming thoughts. To the point where you feel like there is nothing that you, anyone, or anything can do can change that. I almost like to think they put themselves into a victim state so they can can be pitied. It's almost like they enjoy the pity, they need it to validate themselves. I've come to understand that the root causes are perhaps because they are not happy with their lives, themselves, or is encountering problems or life difficulties that they find insurmountable, but somehow it's the world's fault that they are experiencing these things. Everyone encounters life's challenges in different ways and different times, and the point is to figure it out. It's a natural part of life and growth and honestly, a huge part of skill building.
I often hear snippy comments like "oh, I'm not perfect like you", or maybe even "oh it's easy for you..." I think this is very cop out way of saying "I don't want to try", and blame it on everyone/thing else for their unhappy state. They are letting their ego dominate their true selves. It's not about being perfect. It's about trying your best to achieve the best outcomes for yourself.
Those who truly know me knows that I didn't come from a great place. Nor did I haven anything close to a smooth life. Who do I have to blame? That I wasn't born into a happy, supportive, or rich family? That the people I love die on me? Or the coworker who seems incompetent but got the job because her legs stretch longer? I look around and everyone seems to have everything all lined up. Why can't I?
All things visible, the path that I have paved for myself is all a result of perseverance, determination, discipline, self reflection and continuous improvement. No secret formula. Although I was probably blessed with old fashioned but highly educated extremely critical parent figures who wanted to develop me into someone they wanted to feel proud. I've accepted all of that.
We don't often take the time to reflect on our own selves. To critically think about things. What we could have done differently to yield a different outcome. How we are that may have led others to treat you this way? Your own mentality that prevented you from trying things, achieving your best. What can I do to make situation better? Who can help me? for others. for your self. The decisions you made, your dispositions, your specific actions that led to a certain (undesired outcome). Let's face it: We've all been unlucky at some point in our lives, take shit from people that we shouldn't, felt defeated, or just outright wronged. Some get it more than others (guess they call themselves unlucky) But it's what we make out of it that makes us stronger, better as a person. There's nothing special about you who are facing these things.They are unable to see that they are the contributing factor in their own life, or if they simply shift their thinking, things could transform for them. If we were willing to change ourselves for the better, our life might actually be better.
I ran across this great article on Growth mindset vs Fixed mindset which speaks about the importance of having the right mindset to be more successful in life. The hardest thing to train is your own mind, and that is precisely the starting point. If you are willing.
There are many people (if not most) who believes being well connected, or knowing lots of people is important because it helps you get farther in life, or simply get better deals in various settings. But I often wonder, at any point do you question is it the quality of your network, or the quantity more valuable? Are you getting what you need out of these relationships? Is your quality of life being enhanced by these people, whom you might call "friends"? More and more I find friends who cannot be honest with themselves and truthful with you are not really friends. They are just people residing in your living space who occupies your time and often energy but not necessarily wanting a real relationship with you. Some even think you are there to compete them so they constantly have to prove themselves when they interact with you. It doesn't matter if you put up a front for others to validate yourselves in the social world, but if you can't be vulnerable to your truest friends, you will not gain true friends.
My principles for living are really simple. I don't have a long laundry list of what you need to do to be successful, however I find the people who tends to keep to these principles seems to live happier lives.
1.) Surround yourself with positive people, who can influence you in positive ways and have your best interest. You don't have to be perfect, but they love you for who you are and shares criticism for your own good and to help you. That is really where the bonding, growth and fulfillment comes from.
2.) Changing your mindset to a growth mindset has everything to do with you and nothing to do with "luck". Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.
3) Really look into who you are and decide what you want to keep, discard, makes changes to improve and come to terms with it. All of it.
If you want to change your life, you must change yourself. If you're not ready to change yourself, then don't expect too much from life.
