We are each born with a voice, but not all of us understands how to use it. And I was one of them. I never knew I had voice until I was told repeatedly under different circumstances to "speak up". I never knew speaking up can be so liberating and is, actually, your right. As a young immigrant of Chinese descent, we are so inhibited by our culture that we didn't know we had these "rights". As a child, we were not expected to talk back to our parents, no matter how wronged they were. As an adult and a minority woman, there was a set of behaviors we had to conform to in order to be deemed "proper" and accepted by society. On the other hand, in western society, I learned, respects individuals who are able to assert themselves and speak their mind. Being shy as an adult and not speaking up is associated with a lack of confidence.
Sometimes we walk into a foreign territory and know nothing about a person, yet we quickly size them up and form stereotypes so it fits our mental models, just to have some information to work with. Unconscious bias dominates our thought and we fail to be open to learn more. Not everyone was brought up to speak up, so just because we remain silent or refrain from "shouting out" does not mean we don't have ideas, thoughts, or even wisdom to impart. It is simply that we were taught not to be excessively loud, exude belligerent behaviors or carry a coaching attitude sharing with the world our personal perspectives on worldly issues. We are to remain modest and humble and graceful and small with what we know. Given it's clear that this doesn't work well here, I did the best I could to adopt American ways and modify myself and speak up, step up, but yet is still not in my nature to rant out about things I disagree or ideas I don't jive with. Even now my family believes I'm particularly rebellious and independent minded. But my american life, though I'm much more outspoken and assertive than siblings or cousins of my own generation, I still struggle with when to speak or how.
I've witnessed many forms of human interactions throughout my life that led to quarrels, fights, ravaging, whether it's with total strangers or or with their most endeared loved ones. One would inevitably question: If you love them with the bottom of your heart, then why do we yell, bicker, use hurtful words to say things we don't mean to our loves ones when bogged down by our own emotions? It's actually very simple. it's because we all need to be heard. Even if we were wrong. Minority women typically are less inclined, or sometimes afraid to speak up because after living through perhaps a history of oppression, where it's not safe or allowed to speak their mind, or was brought up in a culture where it is not a social norm to be outspoken. Therefore they simply not accustomed to speaking anymore. No one cares to hear what they have to say. Why should they speak at all? It is not because they are weak, lacking in opinions or ideas, but because they never had the right or opportunity to use their own voices so freely. The founder of WomenSpeak, KC Baker once said, "What an incredible thing, to be born an American women in this place and time". Anything that you want to dream, create and say -you can. The only place that you're trapped is in your mind.
A voice is a beautiful thing that every human being owns. We should learn to use it and encourage those who are not aware to discover and use their voices. And set your mind free.
