As social beings we are often quick to judge. If something is good or bad, black or white, like or dislike. But we rarely allow ourselves to free ourselves from the voices, the judgement, or expectations we have whether it's coming from ourselves or what we feel from others.The reality is, we live in a world that is highly complex, can be quite convoluted, where often it's not a matter of black or white, but really just different shades of gray. As humans (Homo Sapiens) we are the single most complex species with highest intelligence in the animal kingdom, which makes us unique and highly capable.
Because human beings are intelligent and highly complex species, we are multi-dimensional; capable of many different things. As we see in our daily lives, we play many roles depending on the environment we're in. We can be both soft & loud, bad-ass and nurturing, kind and aggressive, driven and compassionate, fun and reserved, sexy and..reserved, at different times based on the circumstances we are operating under. I often see people judging other people, people judging themselves, because people's limited views don't fit into the schema they know or are used to, so they don't know what to do with that info but safely allocating them in a category so it becomes somewhat categorized information that they can perhaps most comfortable with, what we call stereotypes. We all have our personal biases, and biases are often based on our experiences and education levels, which limits our world views, which can drastically change your perspectives.
I often feel pressure from a predisposed world where if you are accomplished you are judged, if you don't measure up you are judged, if you're great you're judged, or if you're a bitch you're no doubt called out on. So no matter what you are, there's always something to be said. Living in a world where we have been conditioned to think 1) having ambition, being a high achiever or having high standards cannot coexist with being kind or compassionate. I see that mentality manifested in the workplace, at play, or sometimes within our social circles. We engage in primal behaviors that are rude, mean, sometimes malicious, and sometimes ravage each other when in fact there is no material threat 2) Being in a certain occupation bars you from doing other things you may be very talented in.
We can be effective and competitive and achieve our goals without being malicious. I believe there is a way kindness can coexist even if the environment is competitive and resources are scarce. Being empathetic helps us become better leaders, communicators and human beings. As evolved beings, we should teach ourselves to think more logically, and remove our emotion and our attachment thinking that creates these negative emotions towards others. At the same time, wanting more for ourselves is not a sin. It's in fact a drive that falls innate within humans. Some more prevalent than others. In fact it is ultimately innate ambition that drives progress, and enables us as a society to the technological advances we're able to enjoy everyday - mobile devices, the internet, instant photography and much more. If no one was curious and tried exploring, these gadgets smart things you wear would not have existed. It was someone's ambition and curiosity that enables us to live better then why should we judge those who even took the time to try?
Some people want to build a better life for themselves which perhaps gives them meaning. Let's be logical here. If compassion is generally valued as a positive characteristic of humans, then why isn't the less ambitious person more compassionate? People judge when others have big dreams, (or for some when they have lack of dreams) or who want to become a better person in their own ways. But for the majority of others, they may not have that kind of ambition or desire. Why do we immediately judge the person who may differ than us in our ambition levels? We simply have different value systems. Why does it have to be good or bad, because we are judging based on our own value systems that may differ than someone else's?
Not very long ago I read an article that resonated with me from a fellow CMU alum who has also taken the entrepreneur path. She alluded to the same sentiments I had about "nicety in the workplace". Does that and can that exist? Some people are easily intimidated. And some people are naturally aggressive. But instead of looking into themselves why they feel a certain way, they blame others for their own dispositions. Others are not responsible for how you feel. Only you can own your feelings. If you don't like something about yourself, your life, or your living conditions, you can do something to change it. Don't blame the world or what others are doing to better their life that contributed to your unhappiness. Build grit.
It is a beautiful thing that humans are so capable, capable of wearing many hats, playing many different roles. Ambition does not conflict with compassion, or just about anything else. Let people be. Being kind, compassionate and empathetic does not conflict with fighting hard for something you want and does not mean we have to ravage our way through to achieve it. By offering a helping hand can sometimes win you a friend.
Success takes determination.
Success takes sacrifice.
Success takes perseverance.
Success takes discipline.
Success takes grit.
Success takes support.
A gentle heart makes the path a little easier for everyone.
